Have You Been Cruising Before?
Our first time in a cruise -- reflections at sea.
“Have You Ever Been Cruising Before?”
He asked as a few of the hairs he had cut fell onto the floor. He kept cutting my hair as I sighed and processed what he was asking. I glanced to my side, saw the endless dark blue of the Mediterranean, realized I was on a cruise, and replied, “No, this is my first cruise. How about you?” Wonder (as I am calling him here) kept cutting my hair, apparently oblivious to how one could misinterpret that question.
By now, it was 9 am, and my stomach was roaring in complaint over last night’s libations and foods.
Day 0: Voyaging for the First Time: Into the Unknown
This is my first time on a cruise — I have been in boats and yachts, but never on a cruise. I was not quite sure what to expect or what to pack. What if I hate it and want to come back home? Unlike a hotel, which seems relatively easy to change to another hotel, the cruise seems more definitive. Can you plausibly escape? Where would you go when there is nothing but open ocean for miles on end?
We chose Virgin Voyages because it was highly recommended, and opted for their “rock star” room in part because we wanted the extra space and the perks. We arrived early, as being able to board early is a perk. The boarding was smooth, quick, and accompanied by a glass of pink champagne among other “rockstars.” Every passenger gets a little wristband with a fob. This little device allows you to enter your room, open doors, and purchase anything you want on the ship, including casino chips, watches, and other absurdly expensive items. Prices are listed, but totals are rarely mentioned.
Rockstar? The “business” class of Virgin Voyages.
Needless to say, I am not a rockstar nor do I crave to be one. I do not envy their lifestyle nor their success. Admittedly, I think about terms too often. Rockstar? Business class? Why these terms and not others? Many business-class passengers are not flying for business. These terms are unusual, but I don't know if any other term would work well.
Rock stars get black wristbands, whereas everyone else gets red ones. My partner tells me he has noticed how often people stare at each other’s wristbands, in what appears to be nothing more than a high school-esque competition for status. This difference allegedly enables crew members to distinguish “sailors.” Still, it seems excessive when you already have to scan the fob whenever you order drinks, sit at a blackjack table, or enter certain areas. Perhaps it is meant to help “sailors” identify other “similar sailors.”
I understand the party vibe Virgin Voyages is promoting and find the consistency in language both endearing and a little annoying. Passengers are “sailors,” and booze and snacks in the room are “loot.” It goes on and on.
The ship is both much larger and much smaller than it appears to be. Given that it was our very first time on a cruise ship, we wanted to survey what would be our home for the next week. We walked through more than fifteen restaurants, countless bars, a few pools, and at least ten hot tubs, and found some people already at the gym (mind you, we arrived about 20-30 minutes after the doors opened). Other rockstars were already drinking in one of the rockstar-only zones.
Tonight, the casino was offering brief lessons on the various games available. My partner had never gambled before, and we decided to attend some of the lessons. After, we played some blackjack, and he doubled our money. Success—or so it appeared.
Then off to a Mexican dinner. There is live music in almost every corner, and a bar is available throughout the cruise. Lots of people are drinking. We enjoyed our meal. I tried a nice cocktail, and even though we were tired; we decided to change into our PJs to attend the inaugural party, the PJ Party.
Hundreds of people in their PJs are drinking and dancing. Most “sailors” appear American, and in our experience, these sailors spoke a little louder than people back home. Servers were walking around with drinks (for sale, of course), and a few movable carts were operating as impromptu bars, accompanied by loud music and lots of dancing. I decided to go to bed early (i.e., much later than usual, but much earlier than the other “sailors”).
As I lay in bed, I noticed I had barely interacted with any other “sailor.” Many people appeared to have arrived in larger groups and seemed to exist in their kind of bubble. I set my alarms for an early wake-up because I foolishly scheduled an 8 AM haircut on a cruise. You can tell I have never cruised before.
Day 1: Cannes Absinthe, Kayaking, and Meeting Others
My alarm went off. As I drifted between being asleep and waking up, I said fuck. Why the heck did I book a haircut at 8? I looked around the room and saw the two carafes of water. One was half empty, the other lay there full, taunting me for not drinking it the night before. I sighed. I knew the tap water was not suitable for drinking, and I felt that two carafes seemed insufficient. After all, “sailors” are on a cruise, under the sun, and enjoying alcohol throughout their stay.
I reached for a glass of water.
I arrived at the barber’s five minutes early. The door was open, and no one was there. A few moments later, Wonder arrived, smiling and cheerful. He was a Philliìno who had been working on cruise ships for years. He told me how much he enjoyed working at Virgin over his previous employers, even though most of the crew worked every day. He asked me about my last haircut and started. He made some small talk and asked if I had been cruising before1.
It was also the first time a crew member tried to make me buy something, but it would not be the last. I was already charged for the haircut (totally okay), but Wonder insisted I should try this shampoo and another product that would be ideal for my thick, coarse hair.
I returned to my room to collect my partner so we could head to our massage. This was a good experience. When we finished, the therapists returned with bags containing products similar to the ones they had used. Products they wanted us to buy. There is a difference between discussing products and preloading them in a bag, and insisting that the customer buy them.
We were informed that “sailors” would embark on “tenders,” otherwise known as smaller boats, which would take us to shore. These fit a lot more people than one thinks but are otherwise unremarkable.
My partner and I chose to go on different excursions today— I suspect not many couples do this. He regretted going kayaking as he thought it was a little too intense. I heard that many other “sailors” suffered through this activity and continue to suffer from the blisters and sunburns that they got. Instead, I decided to go to Antibes, where we had been promised Absinthe. After a short walk, we visited an old absinthe cellar and searched for the Green Fairy.
During our walk, another sailor and her friends angrily asked me what was happening and where we were heading. They had mistaken me for part of the crew. I said, “They said we would do a short walk and head into the Absinthe bar.” Their look was not friendly. The barkeep was fascinated by my enjoyment of Chartreuse and took me to one of their other properties, where they have a vast collection of Chartreuse. The woman from before walked up to me to apologize for being rude and claimed she thought I was part of the crew. In some ways, that is even worse – only rude to those below. I did not check if she was a “rockstar.”
Tired from the day around town, I returned to the cruise. The bus ride was almost twice as long because of traffic. When we arrived at the cruise, we had to go through two security checks — it seems that boarding a cruise demands more security than boarding an airplane. The bars and musicians were providing merriment, and after an unremarkable dinner, we went to bed.
Day 2: From the Water to the Air — Ajaccio.
This morning we arrived at Ajaccio. Unlike yesterday, today we docked—no more “tenders” to get to shore. Docking seems like a much better option. “Sailors” can disembark at will; however, getting back on the cruise is a different matter.
After traveling by sea today, we were going to see the coastline from above. We met Paul and Polly on the boat. They told us to disembark and that we would see someone. Yesterday, three “sailors” got lost between disembarking and the bus. This time, there were no signs, but a person wearing the crew uniform escorted us to our vehicle. After a short briefing, we boarded the helicopter. The flight started two minutes early.
The views are incredible. Part of me is terrified of helicopters. They seem dangerous. The angles in which they move, the swirls they take, a fragile metal that gives the chapter its shape. The spinning engines and the smell of gas—something just screams that I should not be doing this. Yet, seeing the world from up there reveals stunning beauty. Paul and Polly made pleasant conversation, and we laughed about how well this tour worked.
Back on the cruise, Mark turned to my partner and me and said, “I have one of the biggest rooms on the cruise.” We were at the “rockstar” bar, and this man found the need to distinguish himself from other “rockstars.” He was telling me he goes on cruises often. Mark told us he got IV vitamins to power his rockstar lifestyle.
I am surprised by how many people on this cruise have been to other cruises. I have yet to meet another person who’s on their first cruise (I never did meet such a person). Virgin seems hell-bent on getting you to book your next cruise while you're cruising. They tender all kinds of offers. They send you notifications. They advertise. They push. They give you credit. It is relentless. I imagine it will be very successful too. You’ve got thousands of current customers having a good time, gorging on food, bathing in alcohol, and with time on their hands.
Each day, there are numerous free events, as well as others that require a fee. My partner was keen on going to the 80s-90s party for a bit, but I was tired and worried that the music would be too loud. I recall that when I was younger, I did not care about the volume. Some ten years ago, my ears started hurting the morning after attending such places. I was exhausted and returned to my cabin.
At the party, Mark told my partner “I bet you have a beautiful cock.”
Men can be such poets.
Polly noticed my partner's discomfort and interrupted this awkward exchange. The fact that she intervened swiftly, securely, and effectively betrays years of experience. She had seen similar situations before2. I cannot imagine the horrors such people inflict on others.
We haven’t seen Mark since3.
Day 3: A Day at Sea
Last afternoon, we left Ajaccio on our way to Mallorca. I forgot that today was a “sea day,” which I had wrongly interpreted as a day at sea while we traveled from one port to another. It took less than 20 hours to sail from Barcelona to Cannes. We could surely make it to Mallorca overnight. Why a day at sea?
Maybe it’s so “sailors” can enjoy Scarlet Lady’s facilities. Perhaps it is a way to ensure all sailors grow their bar bill. I suspect that with limited options, “sailors” will happily imbibe, gamble, and spend.
Today, I discovered a deep appreciation for the hammock on our balcony. It is super comfortable, mostly quiet, and allows me to get lost in the Ocean’s never-ending waters. I had sat in hammocks before, but I had never been in one. It engulfs and supports you. The sea appears endless and at certain times seamlessly merges with the sky.
Later in the afternoon, we met a group of Scottish men who were traveling together. Quite a riot. Ray, John, Gabriel, and Peter. They had been on other cruises. Like every single other person, they raved about Virgin being the best of the cruises. We laughed plenty. Gabriel, to his disappointment, performed a song most people did not recognize at karaoke. They encouraged me to sing, and I refused. I sing horribly, and this, I am afraid, is no exaggeration. Gab insisted that the whole point is to sing even if you sing horribly. Maybe with a few more rounds. But tonight would not be that night.
That evening, we met an excessively slim young man. The blue-eyed fellow had shiny, white teeth that resembled a recently polished bathtub. He claimed not to have eaten since he boarded. He was drinking some 300-dollar bottle and was already quite inebriated. He did not want to join the rest of the group because he had told his agent where to find him. His agent carries this drunken man to his quarters each day. He has a partner who does not leave the room, fearing being seen. A stark reminder of how being open about who one loves can be dangerous.
Dinner at Gunbae was peculiar. They sit you with strangers. They make you play drinking games and share food.
Day 5: Mallorca
Wifi at sea is terrible. We purchased the extra premium Wi-Fi, and it was still subpar. The manager refunded our wifi, which we appreciated. If I ever go on a cruise again, I will carry very different expectations.
Today, we went on a tour of Mallorca and decided to return to the ship to try to get some work done. We had both boarded with the intention and expectation of spending some time working. Wrong!
At least in Mallorca, we were able to use our phones as hotspots. I wrote most of this essay at that port. I had taken some notes. I had thought about writing. I also read most of Monsters – an intriguing book.
Tonight was Scarlett night – everyone was encouraged to wear red and party. Some three thousand people were wearing red. The music was too loud, and the Scots and I went to one of the other bars on the ship –
Day 6-7: Not as detailed, but still fun.
No sign of Mark. People look tired. The IV clinic was fully booked. Last night was a success for the ship.
There are many stories and many characters on this cruise. There is the young heckler who left a comedy show because the comedian shot back.
By day seven, we were eager to get home. I enjoyed the cruise and would repeat the experience. I leave for Japan in a few days, and the move to the UK is fast approaching.
I am assuming you all know that “cruising” has different meanings. In the context of LGBTQ+, it often refers to men who go to somewhat secluded areas in search of someone to have sex with.
I often argue that we can empathize with others, and I am skeptical of how we measure diversity — but some groups of people do have different lived experiences. This reminded me of one of how women experience the world differently.
I do not mean to imply that Polly did something to Mark. Rather, Mark was rather drunk and likely stayed in their room. Crossing paths in a big space is also not a certainty. We heard from the crew that occasionally some rowdy passengers are asked to leave. In all likelihood, Mark continued to get drunk and IVs. I will never know, but such ignorance bothers me not.
Why did you choose Virgin? That’s a large ship with low-end pricing so it attracts the party crowd. Did you read any notes on CruiseCritic or similar sites? Maybe try a river cruise or keep the money to upgrade your house! Bonne chance mes amis!